In my occupation (from which I am on a hiatus) problem-solving plays a big part, and I often get a little thrill to hear that a problem is considered very difficult or impossible. Perhaps in part that is what drives me to certain stay-at-home experiments: bottle-feeding two babies at once, for example. It shouldn't really be possible to take three young children out to the store by myself, let alone, to do it with calm and agility. I guess I'm showing off for myself. If DW is impressed, that is an extra bonus, although I suspect she is more often nervous.
On Tuesday came what might be called my final project, to prove to myself that I can get through any part of normal life with three little boys depending on me. We drove to my sister's house in Marin County for the day. The drive was about two hours each way, and much of that is far away from civilization (read: clean Target bathrooms.) I was planning to leave at 8:00 am, and return at 5:00 pm. Nine hours with no high-chair.
Here was the packing list for a nine-hour outing:
Wallet, keys, cell phone, money,
Shoes for me and Nathan.
Jackets for everyone.
Diapers in all sizes, and lots of wipes. Hand sanitizer, and dirty-diaper baggies.
Changes of clothes.
Milk in bottles. Ice.
Baby food: bread, mixed vegetables, cereal. Snacks and bottled water.
Snap-n-go double stroller.
Maps and directions.
Back pillow.
Towels and blankets. And extra blankets.
Nathan's potty seat.
Feeding and diaper log
Extra water, first-aid kit.
I expected that Nathan and I could "live off the land": there would be food at my sister's, and we could eat fast-food on the road if necessary.
We left a little late, about 8:30. The babies fell asleep immediately, but I had to keep Nathan occupied with various car games ("think of all the words you can that start with 'B'") It was sort of a shame to have the babies nap during the morning, their happiest time of day. But we all arrived in a good mood.
Eating lunch was a little difficult, since we had no high chairs for the babies, and Nathan is generally a difficult eater. However, there were lots of relatives (particularly my mom) willing to dedicate full time to airplaning food into him, while I hand-fed the babies bits of mixed vegetables. Feeding babies bottles was easier too, since I didn't have to pick them both up and situate them by myself.
Both babies got cranky late in the afternoon, but passed out quickly as we got back in the car for the trip home. Nathan too conked out quickly. I timed things well so that as I returned to Sacramento, I was able to pick up DW from work.
Things I learned:
1. Travel during nap time.
2. Make a list.
3. Be Prepared.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Present Day
DW and I were discussing how we wanted to get off on the right foot, christmas-wise; stressing lights and trees and food and and singing, and togetherness, and that sort of thing. The idea being, that the kids might grow up to be teenagers who didn't really think of christmas as the day when you get a bunch of stuff that you've seen on tv.
Nathan has a book about "Present Day", which I think is a generic or politically-correct name for the various holidays that grace this month. The book concentrates on the joy of giving (with little or no emphasis on the joy of getting!)
Nathan was aware that "25" was a special day. He had two advent calendars: one with small lego assemblages each day, and one with stickers. We also promised him ham to eat on that special day. There were small gifts, of course, including some little trucks "To Evan and Ryan, From Nathan". You know, to show Nathan about the joy of giving.
The long-awaited day arrived, and we started with bacon for breakfast (which Nathan and DW both love).
After some coaxing, we got Nathan to give the present to Ryan -- or maybe to generally thrust it in his direction. Then Nathan got to "help" unwrap it. Then he was permitted to "show Ryan how to play with the trucks". Then there was grabbing and yelling and whining, and eventually, Ryan and Evan's toy had to go in "time-out" with respect to Nathan, the gift-giver.
Ryan and Evan, of course, enjoyed boxes and wrapping paper.
There was lots of singing and food and some more gifts, and on the whole, everyone had an exciting day. As I tucked Nathan in that night, I reflected on all the fun we'd had, and asked him what he enjoyed about christmas. His first answer: "We had bacon."
Things I learned:
1. There may be some innate virtues, but generosity and sharing are learned over time.
2. There may be some innate desires, but battery-operated microprocessor-controlled wishes are learned over time.
3. Possession is all of the law.
Nathan has a book about "Present Day", which I think is a generic or politically-correct name for the various holidays that grace this month. The book concentrates on the joy of giving (with little or no emphasis on the joy of getting!)
Nathan was aware that "25" was a special day. He had two advent calendars: one with small lego assemblages each day, and one with stickers. We also promised him ham to eat on that special day. There were small gifts, of course, including some little trucks "To Evan and Ryan, From Nathan". You know, to show Nathan about the joy of giving.
The long-awaited day arrived, and we started with bacon for breakfast (which Nathan and DW both love).
After some coaxing, we got Nathan to give the present to Ryan -- or maybe to generally thrust it in his direction. Then Nathan got to "help" unwrap it. Then he was permitted to "show Ryan how to play with the trucks". Then there was grabbing and yelling and whining, and eventually, Ryan and Evan's toy had to go in "time-out" with respect to Nathan, the gift-giver.
Ryan and Evan, of course, enjoyed boxes and wrapping paper.
There was lots of singing and food and some more gifts, and on the whole, everyone had an exciting day. As I tucked Nathan in that night, I reflected on all the fun we'd had, and asked him what he enjoyed about christmas. His first answer: "We had bacon."
Things I learned:
1. There may be some innate virtues, but generosity and sharing are learned over time.
2. There may be some innate desires, but battery-operated microprocessor-controlled wishes are learned over time.
3. Possession is all of the law.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
The routine
It's been two-and-a-half weeks, and things have become pretty routine:
Baby naps are at 10 and 4:00, Nathan can nap at 2:00 if he wants to (which he usually doesn't). Babies often refuse to nap too, which means no break for me, and no writing blogs. So, maybe, no, it's not all that routine.
Bottles are at 9:30, 1:30, and 3:30. Unless the milk is frozen, or someone falls asleep in the stroller. Not exactly routine either.
Diapers get changed whenever someone smells poopy, or whenever it's been a while and I think of it. Not really something you can schedule.
Nathan has breakfast at 7:30, and lunch at 12:00. Unless we're out. Babies have food anytime between 11:00 and 2:00, depending on when they're asleep or whether they're playing happily.
Ok, there's actually really no routine at all, and that's not even counting days when we go out for doctor's appointments, pictures, or shopping. It's kinda like a jazz piece: there's a constant rhythm, a tick-tock in the background, and everyone does their own thing against it, which may or may not harmonize. At the end, everyone comes back in sync, and returns to the original tune, and we all go to bed.
We keep a log of feedings, changings, and nappings for Evan and Ryan. Even though we can tell them apart, in moments of stress or tiredness, there would be no way to remember who got fed when, or how long it's been since a diaper was changed. We have an unbroken record of every poop, every bottle, every nap since they were born.
What I've learned:
1. There is no schedule.
2. Plan ahead a little, but just a little.
3. Nothing bad happens if someone misses a nap.
Baby naps are at 10 and 4:00, Nathan can nap at 2:00 if he wants to (which he usually doesn't). Babies often refuse to nap too, which means no break for me, and no writing blogs. So, maybe, no, it's not all that routine.
Bottles are at 9:30, 1:30, and 3:30. Unless the milk is frozen, or someone falls asleep in the stroller. Not exactly routine either.
Diapers get changed whenever someone smells poopy, or whenever it's been a while and I think of it. Not really something you can schedule.
Nathan has breakfast at 7:30, and lunch at 12:00. Unless we're out. Babies have food anytime between 11:00 and 2:00, depending on when they're asleep or whether they're playing happily.
Ok, there's actually really no routine at all, and that's not even counting days when we go out for doctor's appointments, pictures, or shopping. It's kinda like a jazz piece: there's a constant rhythm, a tick-tock in the background, and everyone does their own thing against it, which may or may not harmonize. At the end, everyone comes back in sync, and returns to the original tune, and we all go to bed.
We keep a log of feedings, changings, and nappings for Evan and Ryan. Even though we can tell them apart, in moments of stress or tiredness, there would be no way to remember who got fed when, or how long it's been since a diaper was changed. We have an unbroken record of every poop, every bottle, every nap since they were born.
What I've learned:
1. There is no schedule.
2. Plan ahead a little, but just a little.
3. Nothing bad happens if someone misses a nap.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Things People Say
When I'm out with all three kids at the grocery store, or just walking around the block, people I pass are compelled to stop and say something. Of course, I like the attention. I had observed before we had children that our Labrador Retriever was something of a chick-magnet. In this regard, the dog was nothing compared to Nathan when he was an infant, and twin babies more than double this effect.
For the benefit of those blog readers who happen to be my wife, I'll add that during a weekday, they are more of an old-lady magnet. And anyway, three little children marks a man as "taken" even more effectively than when I have to hold your purse in public.
Things people say tend to fall roughly into three categories:
1) "Looks like you have your hands full"
2) There are some twins somewhere in my family too. So I know all about it.
3) Oh, look, they're identical, aren't they?
I put the first of these in quotes to indicate that these are the precise words of wit I hear roughly 1-2 times per day. If anyone can come up with an incredibly funny response, please post it in the comments, and I will try to make it sound like spontaneous humor at the next opportunity.
I believe that the prevalence of #2 is explained as follows: As I said, I enjoy the attention. Well, other people like attention too, and see this as an opportunity to play their own twin card, on someone who will appreciate it. I just don't know how to give them the strokes they need in response to "Oh, my father-in-law is a twin!". Uh, congratulations? Must have been exciting for your husband's grandparents? At least two people independently have followed "Ah, twins!" with "Been there, done that!".
As far as #3, they have genetic tests for such things, and they probably wouldn't cost hundreds of dollars if strangers at the grocery store could easily pick out the identical twins. Ours are almost certainly not identical*, as they have slightly different eye color, hair pattern, skin tone, eye shape, voice, etc, etc. I suppose they look alike as all babies do, and even more so because they are brothers. Let me add, that they look nothing alike to me and DW, and we can even tell their cries apart. (Which is not to say that I don't often call them by the wrong name. But then, I sometimes accidentally call them by the dog's name too).
A few weeks ago, an old lady at the store stopped us and gushed about how precious the little babies were. Turning to Nathan, she added "Oh, and you are too!". Nathan helpfully corrected her: "Two-and-a-half!"
*According to the great Wikipedia, about 8% of twins are identical.
For the benefit of those blog readers who happen to be my wife, I'll add that during a weekday, they are more of an old-lady magnet. And anyway, three little children marks a man as "taken" even more effectively than when I have to hold your purse in public.
Things people say tend to fall roughly into three categories:
1) "Looks like you have your hands full"
2) There are some twins somewhere in my family too. So I know all about it.
3) Oh, look, they're identical, aren't they?
I put the first of these in quotes to indicate that these are the precise words of wit I hear roughly 1-2 times per day. If anyone can come up with an incredibly funny response, please post it in the comments, and I will try to make it sound like spontaneous humor at the next opportunity.
I believe that the prevalence of #2 is explained as follows: As I said, I enjoy the attention. Well, other people like attention too, and see this as an opportunity to play their own twin card, on someone who will appreciate it. I just don't know how to give them the strokes they need in response to "Oh, my father-in-law is a twin!". Uh, congratulations? Must have been exciting for your husband's grandparents? At least two people independently have followed "Ah, twins!" with "Been there, done that!".
As far as #3, they have genetic tests for such things, and they probably wouldn't cost hundreds of dollars if strangers at the grocery store could easily pick out the identical twins. Ours are almost certainly not identical*, as they have slightly different eye color, hair pattern, skin tone, eye shape, voice, etc, etc. I suppose they look alike as all babies do, and even more so because they are brothers. Let me add, that they look nothing alike to me and DW, and we can even tell their cries apart. (Which is not to say that I don't often call them by the wrong name. But then, I sometimes accidentally call them by the dog's name too).
A few weeks ago, an old lady at the store stopped us and gushed about how precious the little babies were. Turning to Nathan, she added "Oh, and you are too!". Nathan helpfully corrected her: "Two-and-a-half!"
*According to the great Wikipedia, about 8% of twins are identical.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Out all day
Last week, I wrote about "venturing out". Well, yesterday, I really ventured out. Nathan needed a medical test, and the babies were scheduled to have pictures at the mall. With everybody in the van, we picked up DW from work downtown, dropped off her and the twins off at the mall, then I took Nathan to the medical center. Then back to pick up DW and babies, and drop off DW back at work.
I had been toying with the idea of crashing my work's christmas party, time and weather permitting. With babies happy, I decided it was a tentative go. I just had to kill a few hours first.
Driving towards the freeway, I passed by the capitol building with its christmas tree, and decided to take a detour. We got everyone out of the car and headed over to the capitol building. Nathan liked the tree, but he liked the big white building so much that we decided to go inside.
The highlights, according to Nathan were: the elevator, the big doors, and the floor made out of pieces.
Afterwards, we headed out to the christmas party, where we stayed and chatted for about 30 minutes until the babies started to get cranky.
All in all, we were out for about 6 hours. What I'm working up to is to be able to take a solo trip to my sister's in Marin county shortly after christmas.
We have a Toyota Sienna, with one of the center seats removed, leaving a large open space inside. The babies are in the back in snap-in carriers, and Nathan rides in the remaining center seat on the right side, in his car seat. The diaper bag has all the essentials: diapers and wipes, spare clothes, snacks, and hand sanitizer. A small flat box is for shoes and other quickly needed things. A large box holds miscellaneous essentials: a large towel, blankets, etc. There is also back pillow, for sitting on the floor and feeding babies, and a small soft cooler with ice-packs for storing milk. The large space in the middle is covered with a fragment of carpeting, where someone can sit, or change diapers. In the trunk is the double snap-and-go stroller, secured by a bungee cord. It's a self-contained family traveling machine, easier to park than a motorhome, yet less cramped and crowded than the CR-V we traded it for.
Things we learned today:
1. Parallel parking downtown is problematic, but can be done with proper planning. First, unlatch babies carseats, and place them on the floor. Then get the stroller from the trunk. Here's where the first problem occurs: in a normal parking lot, I put the stroller to the left of the car, and unload the car-seats into it. But here there was a busy street, and it was just not safe. On the right is a muddy parking strip, and besides, there's a seat in the way on that side. The solution is to put the stroller in front of the car, with the brakes on, facing towards the curb. Once babies are unloaded, go to the right side of the car (in the muddy parking strip) and extract Nathan from that side. Then go pay for parking, and return, go back throught the muddy parking strip, through the passenger door to put the sticker on the window. (DW told me later: pay for parking first. You lose a few minutes, but it's much easier).
2. The best place to stop for feeding babies and changing diapers is a suburban strip-mall parking lot. Theres usually lots of space and quiet in the far corners of the lot, even around christmas.
3. Sometimes Daddy has to go potty too. I don't have the luxury of going whenever I please and cleaning it up later. The best place to go is Target, or the like. The bathrooms are clean and big enough for everyone to come inside. And there's a big parking lot nearby, see #2.
I had been toying with the idea of crashing my work's christmas party, time and weather permitting. With babies happy, I decided it was a tentative go. I just had to kill a few hours first.
Driving towards the freeway, I passed by the capitol building with its christmas tree, and decided to take a detour. We got everyone out of the car and headed over to the capitol building. Nathan liked the tree, but he liked the big white building so much that we decided to go inside.
The highlights, according to Nathan were: the elevator, the big doors, and the floor made out of pieces.
Afterwards, we headed out to the christmas party, where we stayed and chatted for about 30 minutes until the babies started to get cranky.
All in all, we were out for about 6 hours. What I'm working up to is to be able to take a solo trip to my sister's in Marin county shortly after christmas.
We have a Toyota Sienna, with one of the center seats removed, leaving a large open space inside. The babies are in the back in snap-in carriers, and Nathan rides in the remaining center seat on the right side, in his car seat. The diaper bag has all the essentials: diapers and wipes, spare clothes, snacks, and hand sanitizer. A small flat box is for shoes and other quickly needed things. A large box holds miscellaneous essentials: a large towel, blankets, etc. There is also back pillow, for sitting on the floor and feeding babies, and a small soft cooler with ice-packs for storing milk. The large space in the middle is covered with a fragment of carpeting, where someone can sit, or change diapers. In the trunk is the double snap-and-go stroller, secured by a bungee cord. It's a self-contained family traveling machine, easier to park than a motorhome, yet less cramped and crowded than the CR-V we traded it for.
Things we learned today:
1. Parallel parking downtown is problematic, but can be done with proper planning. First, unlatch babies carseats, and place them on the floor. Then get the stroller from the trunk. Here's where the first problem occurs: in a normal parking lot, I put the stroller to the left of the car, and unload the car-seats into it. But here there was a busy street, and it was just not safe. On the right is a muddy parking strip, and besides, there's a seat in the way on that side. The solution is to put the stroller in front of the car, with the brakes on, facing towards the curb. Once babies are unloaded, go to the right side of the car (in the muddy parking strip) and extract Nathan from that side. Then go pay for parking, and return, go back throught the muddy parking strip, through the passenger door to put the sticker on the window. (DW told me later: pay for parking first. You lose a few minutes, but it's much easier).
2. The best place to stop for feeding babies and changing diapers is a suburban strip-mall parking lot. Theres usually lots of space and quiet in the far corners of the lot, even around christmas.
3. Sometimes Daddy has to go potty too. I don't have the luxury of going whenever I please and cleaning it up later. The best place to go is Target, or the like. The bathrooms are clean and big enough for everyone to come inside. And there's a big parking lot nearby, see #2.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Venturing Out
Last week finished off well. On Tuesday I started taking everyone out for walks. The babies ride in the double-stroller, and Nathan holds on to the side.
When the weather started getting cold, we decided that we should only go out if the temperature was above 55. That had to be revised to 50, since there were days we really needed to walk to the store, but it just wasn't going to get that warm. Last week, 45 became the new 50. Brr! Everybody was bundled up in jackets. I tried to tuck the babies hands into their blankets in the stroller, but Evan insists on waving one hand out the side, like a kid doing aerodynamics experiments out a car window. Also, this enables him to quickly grab anything that might come close to the stroller.
Thursday I decided it was time to try taking a car ride. DW had done this frequently, taking them out to a play group. I took everyone to Target, where we looked at Christmas ornaments and toys. We bought a small calendar for Nathan (He's very interested in calendars lately).
DW was a bit shocked to hear that I went to the store. She considered the parking lot to be too dangerous for one person to manage three babies. Indeed, it was a little scary, especially near a shopping center at this time of year. I was looking out for backing cars everywhere, and Evan used my distraction to try to ditch his toys (twice) in the parking lot. I kept telling Nathan: Hold on to the stroller, listen to me, watch for cars.
Nathan is very good about watching for backing cars, and when walking he will alert us all if there is a car backing up anywhere within sight. "White lights! Backing up!".
Things I learned:
1. Park far away. An extra minute of walking is worth being able to park in a low-traffic area, with no neighboring cars.
2. Park far away "horizontally" rather than "vertically". In a strip mall, you can park far away, but still close to the building so you can use the sidewalk. Parking in an aisle close to the doors means more walking through the lot.
When the weather started getting cold, we decided that we should only go out if the temperature was above 55. That had to be revised to 50, since there were days we really needed to walk to the store, but it just wasn't going to get that warm. Last week, 45 became the new 50. Brr! Everybody was bundled up in jackets. I tried to tuck the babies hands into their blankets in the stroller, but Evan insists on waving one hand out the side, like a kid doing aerodynamics experiments out a car window. Also, this enables him to quickly grab anything that might come close to the stroller.
Thursday I decided it was time to try taking a car ride. DW had done this frequently, taking them out to a play group. I took everyone to Target, where we looked at Christmas ornaments and toys. We bought a small calendar for Nathan (He's very interested in calendars lately).
DW was a bit shocked to hear that I went to the store. She considered the parking lot to be too dangerous for one person to manage three babies. Indeed, it was a little scary, especially near a shopping center at this time of year. I was looking out for backing cars everywhere, and Evan used my distraction to try to ditch his toys (twice) in the parking lot. I kept telling Nathan: Hold on to the stroller, listen to me, watch for cars.
Nathan is very good about watching for backing cars, and when walking he will alert us all if there is a car backing up anywhere within sight. "White lights! Backing up!".
Things I learned:
1. Park far away. An extra minute of walking is worth being able to park in a low-traffic area, with no neighboring cars.
2. Park far away "horizontally" rather than "vertically". In a strip mall, you can park far away, but still close to the building so you can use the sidewalk. Parking in an aisle close to the doors means more walking through the lot.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Conventional wisdom
Things are getting better; the babies are not so clingy with Mommy not around, and Nathan plays well by himself for short periods. I actually have some time to do a little housework, which I assume is part of the whole Stay-At-Home thing. Feeding both at once seems to do the trick now. Another trick is to warm up the bottle; they pass right out.
I know, I know, that's not a trick, that's a necessary part of feeding. Everybody warms the bottle.
Actually, with Nathan (now 2 years old), we never warmed his bottle; he always got it right out of the fridge. And he turned out ok. So there's a time-saving tip for all you stressed out parents: don't warm up the bottle unless you need the babies to pass out. I'm no psychologist, but I think your children will still love you and not suffer major mental problems as a result.
With twins, such abandonment of conventional wisdom is not just convenient, but necessary. There are a surprising number of books on raising twins, (considering the limited market), and they all offer completely impractical advice. Always wash your hands after handling one twin before picking up the other. Huh? Don't let one have a toy that has been slobbered on by the other. Seriously? And I suppose when both are crying and clinging to your pant-leg, you should politely ask them to wait while you warm up a bottle.
Things I learned:
1. Do what works.
I know, I know, that's not a trick, that's a necessary part of feeding. Everybody warms the bottle.
Actually, with Nathan (now 2 years old), we never warmed his bottle; he always got it right out of the fridge. And he turned out ok. So there's a time-saving tip for all you stressed out parents: don't warm up the bottle unless you need the babies to pass out. I'm no psychologist, but I think your children will still love you and not suffer major mental problems as a result.
With twins, such abandonment of conventional wisdom is not just convenient, but necessary. There are a surprising number of books on raising twins, (considering the limited market), and they all offer completely impractical advice. Always wash your hands after handling one twin before picking up the other. Huh? Don't let one have a toy that has been slobbered on by the other. Seriously? And I suppose when both are crying and clinging to your pant-leg, you should politely ask them to wait while you warm up a bottle.
Things I learned:
1. Do what works.
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