Stranded (Part 2)

(Continued)
So there I was, a guy with a toddler, and two infants, relaxing in a McDonalds, with no car, no phone, and no way to get home, considering my options. The most obvious strategy was to get hold of the roadside assistance from my insurance company, and get a jump start. Other more fanciful options were considered:

1. Walk home. It is about 5 miles, with no bathrooms along the way. And it was raining on and off. As I thought about this possibility aloud, Nathan opined that he would rather take the car.
2. Call DW. It was looking like I would have to call her anyway to get the phone number for roadside assistance. However, she would have to wait for a bus home, which could take hours.
3. Go to Kragen and buy a new battery.

The most immediate goal was to remain calm and rational. And though I tried to convince myself that I was relaxed and dealing with things, my actions told another story. I failed to realize that I had the number to my insurance's roadside assistance in a secret compartment in my wallet. I also had a second number, to a roadside assistance that came with the van in the glove box. I neglected to bring quarters for a phone, which were in ample supply in the van. I had no paper or pen, both of which were in the glove box. And I was considering things like walking for an hour in the rain with three kids.

I found a pay phone near Nathan's preschool, and called DW for the phone number to our roadside assistance (which I had to memorize). I told her I would call as soon as I got home. I called for help. The dispatcher was completely baffled when I told her that I was at a pay phone and had no call-back number. This would have come in handy. Somebody (maybe it was me?) screwed up the address that we were at, and so when they came looking at 8288 (we were at 8828), there was no way for us to be contacted.

We spent about three hours together in the car, listening to the rain, singing songs, eating emergency food, and occasionally dealing with misbehavior. But I think Nathan and Ryan and Evan were again giving me a break, and were doing their best to keep the atmosphere cheerful. The babies drank their emergency formula, and took naps at the regular time in their car seats.

Earlier that day, Nathan had spontaneously mentioned that "We're lucky". I asked him what he meant, and he said he didn't know. I told him that we were indeed lucky, since we had food and a house, and Ryan and Evan, and Nathan, and Mommy and Daddy. It was a thought that I occasionally returned to throughout the day.

At some point we gave up waiting and decided to go with another option. We would go over to a grocery store, call DW, and wait to be picked up. With Nathan on my shoulders, and the babies in their stroller, covered by a large towel, we ventured out in the rain. At the grocery store, they let me use their phone to call DW at work. She was not there, so I left a message, asking her to come get us. Then we ordered some pasta salad and started on an early dinner.

At some point, one of the store employees came over and asked if we were waiting for roadside assistance. It seems they had found our car, and someone at Nathan's school had called the store asking if they saw a guy with twins around. I will never know how they figured out to call the grocery store, unless they were just calling neighboring businesses randomly. I also have no idea how they got such a description.

We left in a big hurry, and ran through the rain back to the van, catching the roadside assistance guy just as he was leaving. (Nathan, on my shoulders, waved his hands over his head to get his attention). The van finally started!

As I was packing everybody up, DW arrived. She had been worried after not hearing back from us for so long, and had gotten a ride home with a co-worker. She had left work before I had left the message, and would probably not have figured out that we were at the grocery store.

It was 5:00, we had been out for nine hours. About as long as when I had visited my sister, except that this outing was unplanned. While Nathan was vaguely aware that the van was out of batteries, Evan and Ryan had no idea that anything was wrong.

What I learned:
1. Take the cell phone.
2. We're lucky.

Stranded (Part 1)

Nathan has pre-school two days a week. When I was working, I used to drop him off on my way to work, and then DW would follow an hour and a half later to pick him up. Our work situation is reversed now, and since DW takes the bus to work, I have to drop off and pick up. It would be too much trouble to go home, unload babies, and then turn around 45 minutes later and get everyone back in the van. So I usually drive over to Starbucks, which puts the babies to sleep, and then I hang out in the parking lot of the preschool, listening to the radio for an hour.

Yes, the radio, that massive energy-hog which is probably responsible for global warming. Not to mention stress on the poor battery. Actually, I'm not entirely sure that I didn't leave the ignition "on", which would have meant that the headlights and heater fan were running too. In any case, after picking up Nathan, the van made the following terrifying noise when I tried to start it: " ".

Naturally, I didn't bring the cell phone. It is on my pre-flight checklist, but I was in a hurry and couldn't find it, and I never used it anyway. So now I had no phone. And it was beginning to rain. I had a toddler and two babies and a diaper bag.

As a kid I earned the "Wilderness Survival" merit badge with the Boy Scouts, and now I recalled the survival priorities:

1. Get calm
2. Get warm
3. Get found
4. Get water

Now strictly speaking, I was not in the wilderness. I was across the street from a grocery store, and within walking distance of any number of pay phones. The van would keep everyone dry and somewhat warm (although the heater didn't work). Really, the only thing that could have screwed us up would be panic.

The non-wilderness imposes an additional survival priority: 1.5 Find a bathroom. Nathan is just getting the hang of going about without diapers, and an accident now could negatively impact priority #1. As for myself, remember I had recently been to Starbucks. So while food and bathroom are not generally considered a high survival priority by the experts, I felt that a trip to McDonalds would allow us all to calm down and make a plan.

Will our heroes ever see civilization again? Find out in the next exciting episode...

How to pick up babes

A single baby can be held with one arm, although it's not something that's often necessary when you only have one. With the baby facing you, place your upper arm under one of the baby's armpits, and with the arm around his back, place your wrist under the other armpit. A woman would use her hips to support the baby's weight, but evolution has also granted men a valuable tool: the gut of "sympathy weight" that you probably thought was otherwise useless.

Ok, now for two babies. With the first baby in the position described above on your right arm, you should have full use of your left arm. It is possible, although awkward to pick up the second baby in a single "scoop" into a similar position on the left arm. However, if the baby is not amenable to this, note that you also have some limited use of your right hand. You can bend down, and pick up the second baby under his armpits. Be careful not to lose control of the first baby, or turn him upside-down. Also, be careful not to knock their heads together. Try to use your knees more than your back to lift.

Now you're holding two babies. However, this is not a very comfortable or graceful way to travel. So bring the babies close together. Then move your left arm so that it is behind both babies. Then bring your right arm down under both of their little butts. This is now essentially the same posture that you would typically use for holding one baby, except that you've got two bodies in there.

Keep a poker face. You want any onlookers to think that this is totally easy, and you probably do this all the time. The whole arrangement is stable enough for short walks to another room or even up and down stairs.

Once you've gotten where you're going, it's time for the dismount. You could just sit down, and let the babies squirm or slide away in their own way. Alternatively, if they're able to stand or sit, move your arms back into the one-baby-to-each-arm configuration. Then squat down and gently release them.