How to pick up babes

A single baby can be held with one arm, although it's not something that's often necessary when you only have one. With the baby facing you, place your upper arm under one of the baby's armpits, and with the arm around his back, place your wrist under the other armpit. A woman would use her hips to support the baby's weight, but evolution has also granted men a valuable tool: the gut of "sympathy weight" that you probably thought was otherwise useless.

Ok, now for two babies. With the first baby in the position described above on your right arm, you should have full use of your left arm. It is possible, although awkward to pick up the second baby in a single "scoop" into a similar position on the left arm. However, if the baby is not amenable to this, note that you also have some limited use of your right hand. You can bend down, and pick up the second baby under his armpits. Be careful not to lose control of the first baby, or turn him upside-down. Also, be careful not to knock their heads together. Try to use your knees more than your back to lift.

Now you're holding two babies. However, this is not a very comfortable or graceful way to travel. So bring the babies close together. Then move your left arm so that it is behind both babies. Then bring your right arm down under both of their little butts. This is now essentially the same posture that you would typically use for holding one baby, except that you've got two bodies in there.

Keep a poker face. You want any onlookers to think that this is totally easy, and you probably do this all the time. The whole arrangement is stable enough for short walks to another room or even up and down stairs.

Once you've gotten where you're going, it's time for the dismount. You could just sit down, and let the babies squirm or slide away in their own way. Alternatively, if they're able to stand or sit, move your arms back into the one-baby-to-each-arm configuration. Then squat down and gently release them.