Stranded (Part 2)

(Continued)
So there I was, a guy with a toddler, and two infants, relaxing in a McDonalds, with no car, no phone, and no way to get home, considering my options. The most obvious strategy was to get hold of the roadside assistance from my insurance company, and get a jump start. Other more fanciful options were considered:

1. Walk home. It is about 5 miles, with no bathrooms along the way. And it was raining on and off. As I thought about this possibility aloud, Nathan opined that he would rather take the car.
2. Call DW. It was looking like I would have to call her anyway to get the phone number for roadside assistance. However, she would have to wait for a bus home, which could take hours.
3. Go to Kragen and buy a new battery.

The most immediate goal was to remain calm and rational. And though I tried to convince myself that I was relaxed and dealing with things, my actions told another story. I failed to realize that I had the number to my insurance's roadside assistance in a secret compartment in my wallet. I also had a second number, to a roadside assistance that came with the van in the glove box. I neglected to bring quarters for a phone, which were in ample supply in the van. I had no paper or pen, both of which were in the glove box. And I was considering things like walking for an hour in the rain with three kids.

I found a pay phone near Nathan's preschool, and called DW for the phone number to our roadside assistance (which I had to memorize). I told her I would call as soon as I got home. I called for help. The dispatcher was completely baffled when I told her that I was at a pay phone and had no call-back number. This would have come in handy. Somebody (maybe it was me?) screwed up the address that we were at, and so when they came looking at 8288 (we were at 8828), there was no way for us to be contacted.

We spent about three hours together in the car, listening to the rain, singing songs, eating emergency food, and occasionally dealing with misbehavior. But I think Nathan and Ryan and Evan were again giving me a break, and were doing their best to keep the atmosphere cheerful. The babies drank their emergency formula, and took naps at the regular time in their car seats.

Earlier that day, Nathan had spontaneously mentioned that "We're lucky". I asked him what he meant, and he said he didn't know. I told him that we were indeed lucky, since we had food and a house, and Ryan and Evan, and Nathan, and Mommy and Daddy. It was a thought that I occasionally returned to throughout the day.

At some point we gave up waiting and decided to go with another option. We would go over to a grocery store, call DW, and wait to be picked up. With Nathan on my shoulders, and the babies in their stroller, covered by a large towel, we ventured out in the rain. At the grocery store, they let me use their phone to call DW at work. She was not there, so I left a message, asking her to come get us. Then we ordered some pasta salad and started on an early dinner.

At some point, one of the store employees came over and asked if we were waiting for roadside assistance. It seems they had found our car, and someone at Nathan's school had called the store asking if they saw a guy with twins around. I will never know how they figured out to call the grocery store, unless they were just calling neighboring businesses randomly. I also have no idea how they got such a description.

We left in a big hurry, and ran through the rain back to the van, catching the roadside assistance guy just as he was leaving. (Nathan, on my shoulders, waved his hands over his head to get his attention). The van finally started!

As I was packing everybody up, DW arrived. She had been worried after not hearing back from us for so long, and had gotten a ride home with a co-worker. She had left work before I had left the message, and would probably not have figured out that we were at the grocery store.

It was 5:00, we had been out for nine hours. About as long as when I had visited my sister, except that this outing was unplanned. While Nathan was vaguely aware that the van was out of batteries, Evan and Ryan had no idea that anything was wrong.

What I learned:
1. Take the cell phone.
2. We're lucky.

Stranded (Part 1)

Nathan has pre-school two days a week. When I was working, I used to drop him off on my way to work, and then DW would follow an hour and a half later to pick him up. Our work situation is reversed now, and since DW takes the bus to work, I have to drop off and pick up. It would be too much trouble to go home, unload babies, and then turn around 45 minutes later and get everyone back in the van. So I usually drive over to Starbucks, which puts the babies to sleep, and then I hang out in the parking lot of the preschool, listening to the radio for an hour.

Yes, the radio, that massive energy-hog which is probably responsible for global warming. Not to mention stress on the poor battery. Actually, I'm not entirely sure that I didn't leave the ignition "on", which would have meant that the headlights and heater fan were running too. In any case, after picking up Nathan, the van made the following terrifying noise when I tried to start it: " ".

Naturally, I didn't bring the cell phone. It is on my pre-flight checklist, but I was in a hurry and couldn't find it, and I never used it anyway. So now I had no phone. And it was beginning to rain. I had a toddler and two babies and a diaper bag.

As a kid I earned the "Wilderness Survival" merit badge with the Boy Scouts, and now I recalled the survival priorities:

1. Get calm
2. Get warm
3. Get found
4. Get water

Now strictly speaking, I was not in the wilderness. I was across the street from a grocery store, and within walking distance of any number of pay phones. The van would keep everyone dry and somewhat warm (although the heater didn't work). Really, the only thing that could have screwed us up would be panic.

The non-wilderness imposes an additional survival priority: 1.5 Find a bathroom. Nathan is just getting the hang of going about without diapers, and an accident now could negatively impact priority #1. As for myself, remember I had recently been to Starbucks. So while food and bathroom are not generally considered a high survival priority by the experts, I felt that a trip to McDonalds would allow us all to calm down and make a plan.

Will our heroes ever see civilization again? Find out in the next exciting episode...

How to pick up babes

A single baby can be held with one arm, although it's not something that's often necessary when you only have one. With the baby facing you, place your upper arm under one of the baby's armpits, and with the arm around his back, place your wrist under the other armpit. A woman would use her hips to support the baby's weight, but evolution has also granted men a valuable tool: the gut of "sympathy weight" that you probably thought was otherwise useless.

Ok, now for two babies. With the first baby in the position described above on your right arm, you should have full use of your left arm. It is possible, although awkward to pick up the second baby in a single "scoop" into a similar position on the left arm. However, if the baby is not amenable to this, note that you also have some limited use of your right hand. You can bend down, and pick up the second baby under his armpits. Be careful not to lose control of the first baby, or turn him upside-down. Also, be careful not to knock their heads together. Try to use your knees more than your back to lift.

Now you're holding two babies. However, this is not a very comfortable or graceful way to travel. So bring the babies close together. Then move your left arm so that it is behind both babies. Then bring your right arm down under both of their little butts. This is now essentially the same posture that you would typically use for holding one baby, except that you've got two bodies in there.

Keep a poker face. You want any onlookers to think that this is totally easy, and you probably do this all the time. The whole arrangement is stable enough for short walks to another room or even up and down stairs.

Once you've gotten where you're going, it's time for the dismount. You could just sit down, and let the babies squirm or slide away in their own way. Alternatively, if they're able to stand or sit, move your arms back into the one-baby-to-each-arm configuration. Then squat down and gently release them.

Out All Day

In my occupation (from which I am on a hiatus) problem-solving plays a big part, and I often get a little thrill to hear that a problem is considered very difficult or impossible. Perhaps in part that is what drives me to certain stay-at-home experiments: bottle-feeding two babies at once, for example. It shouldn't really be possible to take three young children out to the store by myself, let alone, to do it with calm and agility. I guess I'm showing off for myself. If DW is impressed, that is an extra bonus, although I suspect she is more often nervous.

On Tuesday came what might be called my final project, to prove to myself that I can get through any part of normal life with three little boys depending on me. We drove to my sister's house in Marin County for the day. The drive was about two hours each way, and much of that is far away from civilization (read: clean Target bathrooms.) I was planning to leave at 8:00 am, and return at 5:00 pm. Nine hours with no high-chair.

Here was the packing list for a nine-hour outing:
Wallet, keys, cell phone, money,
Shoes for me and Nathan.
Jackets for everyone.
Diapers in all sizes, and lots of wipes. Hand sanitizer, and dirty-diaper baggies.
Changes of clothes.
Milk in bottles. Ice.
Baby food: bread, mixed vegetables, cereal. Snacks and bottled water.
Snap-n-go double stroller.
Maps and directions.
Back pillow.
Towels and blankets. And extra blankets.
Nathan's potty seat.
Feeding and diaper log
Extra water, first-aid kit.

I expected that Nathan and I could "live off the land": there would be food at my sister's, and we could eat fast-food on the road if necessary.

We left a little late, about 8:30. The babies fell asleep immediately, but I had to keep Nathan occupied with various car games ("think of all the words you can that start with 'B'") It was sort of a shame to have the babies nap during the morning, their happiest time of day. But we all arrived in a good mood.

Eating lunch was a little difficult, since we had no high chairs for the babies, and Nathan is generally a difficult eater. However, there were lots of relatives (particularly my mom) willing to dedicate full time to airplaning food into him, while I hand-fed the babies bits of mixed vegetables. Feeding babies bottles was easier too, since I didn't have to pick them both up and situate them by myself.

Both babies got cranky late in the afternoon, but passed out quickly as we got back in the car for the trip home. Nathan too conked out quickly. I timed things well so that as I returned to Sacramento, I was able to pick up DW from work.

Things I learned:
1. Travel during nap time.
2. Make a list.
3. Be Prepared.

Present Day

DW and I were discussing how we wanted to get off on the right foot, christmas-wise; stressing lights and trees and food and and singing, and togetherness, and that sort of thing. The idea being, that the kids might grow up to be teenagers who didn't really think of christmas as the day when you get a bunch of stuff that you've seen on tv.

Nathan has a book about "Present Day", which I think is a generic or politically-correct name for the various holidays that grace this month. The book concentrates on the joy of giving (with little or no emphasis on the joy of getting!)

Nathan was aware that "25" was a special day. He had two advent calendars: one with small lego assemblages each day, and one with stickers. We also promised him ham to eat on that special day. There were small gifts, of course, including some little trucks "To Evan and Ryan, From Nathan". You know, to show Nathan about the joy of giving.

The long-awaited day arrived, and we started with bacon for breakfast (which Nathan and DW both love).

After some coaxing, we got Nathan to give the present to Ryan -- or maybe to generally thrust it in his direction. Then Nathan got to "help" unwrap it. Then he was permitted to "show Ryan how to play with the trucks". Then there was grabbing and yelling and whining, and eventually, Ryan and Evan's toy had to go in "time-out" with respect to Nathan, the gift-giver.

Ryan and Evan, of course, enjoyed boxes and wrapping paper.

There was lots of singing and food and some more gifts, and on the whole, everyone had an exciting day. As I tucked Nathan in that night, I reflected on all the fun we'd had, and asked him what he enjoyed about christmas. His first answer: "We had bacon."

Things I learned:
1. There may be some innate virtues, but generosity and sharing are learned over time.
2. There may be some innate desires, but battery-operated microprocessor-controlled wishes are learned over time.
3. Possession is all of the law.

The routine

It's been two-and-a-half weeks, and things have become pretty routine:

Baby naps are at 10 and 4:00, Nathan can nap at 2:00 if he wants to (which he usually doesn't). Babies often refuse to nap too, which means no break for me, and no writing blogs. So, maybe, no, it's not all that routine.

Bottles are at 9:30, 1:30, and 3:30. Unless the milk is frozen, or someone falls asleep in the stroller. Not exactly routine either.

Diapers get changed whenever someone smells poopy, or whenever it's been a while and I think of it. Not really something you can schedule.

Nathan has breakfast at 7:30, and lunch at 12:00. Unless we're out. Babies have food anytime between 11:00 and 2:00, depending on when they're asleep or whether they're playing happily.

Ok, there's actually really no routine at all, and that's not even counting days when we go out for doctor's appointments, pictures, or shopping. It's kinda like a jazz piece: there's a constant rhythm, a tick-tock in the background, and everyone does their own thing against it, which may or may not harmonize. At the end, everyone comes back in sync, and returns to the original tune, and we all go to bed.

We keep a log of feedings, changings, and nappings for Evan and Ryan. Even though we can tell them apart, in moments of stress or tiredness, there would be no way to remember who got fed when, or how long it's been since a diaper was changed. We have an unbroken record of every poop, every bottle, every nap since they were born.

What I've learned:
1. There is no schedule.
2. Plan ahead a little, but just a little.
3. Nothing bad happens if someone misses a nap.

Things People Say

When I'm out with all three kids at the grocery store, or just walking around the block, people I pass are compelled to stop and say something. Of course, I like the attention. I had observed before we had children that our Labrador Retriever was something of a chick-magnet. In this regard, the dog was nothing compared to Nathan when he was an infant, and twin babies more than double this effect.

For the benefit of those blog readers who happen to be my wife, I'll add that during a weekday, they are more of an old-lady magnet. And anyway, three little children marks a man as "taken" even more effectively than when I have to hold your purse in public.

Things people say tend to fall roughly into three categories:
1) "Looks like you have your hands full"
2) There are some twins somewhere in my family too. So I know all about it.
3) Oh, look, they're identical, aren't they?

I put the first of these in quotes to indicate that these are the precise words of wit I hear roughly 1-2 times per day. If anyone can come up with an incredibly funny response, please post it in the comments, and I will try to make it sound like spontaneous humor at the next opportunity.

I believe that the prevalence of #2 is explained as follows: As I said, I enjoy the attention. Well, other people like attention too, and see this as an opportunity to play their own twin card, on someone who will appreciate it. I just don't know how to give them the strokes they need in response to "Oh, my father-in-law is a twin!". Uh, congratulations? Must have been exciting for your husband's grandparents? At least two people independently have followed "Ah, twins!" with "Been there, done that!".

As far as #3, they have genetic tests for such things, and they probably wouldn't cost hundreds of dollars if strangers at the grocery store could easily pick out the identical twins. Ours are almost certainly not identical*, as they have slightly different eye color, hair pattern, skin tone, eye shape, voice, etc, etc. I suppose they look alike as all babies do, and even more so because they are brothers. Let me add, that they look nothing alike to me and DW, and we can even tell their cries apart. (Which is not to say that I don't often call them by the wrong name. But then, I sometimes accidentally call them by the dog's name too).

A few weeks ago, an old lady at the store stopped us and gushed about how precious the little babies were. Turning to Nathan, she added "Oh, and you are too!". Nathan helpfully corrected her: "Two-and-a-half!"

*According to the great Wikipedia, about 8% of twins are identical.